Copyright infringement and Sweet Lou

I had to tune in for the beginning of the Jason Kendall era at Wrigley, where Lou Piniella informed us that among other things, Kendall is a "grinder."*

I'm pretty sure Ozzie Guillen is contractually obligated to assault Piniella with the World Series trophy for using that phrase during a taped interview.

Just imagine Ozzie standing over a bloodied Piniella while screaming, "Choo never, evah, use dat word in my town, Lou!" and you get the basic idea of why I was giggling on my couch during the pregame show.

In my imagination, Ozzie is essentially a Latino Joe Pesci, only with a fouler mouth.

After the Blowout in the Dugout - is there a catchy name for this in Chicago now? Help me out, I'm not in the loop, guys - I'm pretty sure that Carlos Zambrano would fit the same bill.

That's why it worries me to see the "Wake up the rivalry" commercials with Zambrano and AJ Pierzynski, where AJ waxes off one of Zambrano's eyebrows.

Zambrano must be one hell of an actor, because the look on his face suggests that homicide would be an acceptable, measured response.

* For the record, the Cubs broadcast team also told fans not to focus on Kendall's numbers - this recurring theme is starting to scare me. Do his "intangibles" include the ability to calm a nervous fan base that sees a catcher with spotty numbers and no power?"

(Image from MLB.com)