Siberian Baseball

Sunday, October 01, 2006

Twins clinch AL Central: By the numbers

As far as I'm concerned, if you have a season ticket package and are asked which seats you'd like to keep and which ones you'd like to dump, sight unseen, the two locks are opening day and the season finale.

Regardless of where you are or how good you think your team will or will not be, strange things can happen at both ends of the season. Just ask the Royals.

With that in mind, we were at the Twins game this afternoon to see a game that on paper in April and May should have been the Twins serving as spoilers to a White Sox title defense run. In practice, it was Kansas City pulling three games from deep in its collective ass to knock the Tigers from the top spot and give the Twins the division title for the fourth time in five years.

Here's today, by the numbers.

2: Number of total douchebag fans there to support the White Sox and piss off the entire section. One was dressed as a nun (mom) and the other as a sorta/kinda Blues Brother (son). As Ozzie Guillen decided to sit his starters today, the son had to scream himself hoarse for Jim Thome, Brian Anderson and the peanut guy.

I'd be lying if I said anything out of his mouth was clever (which I'll give visiting fans credit for) but at least he had to good sense to shut up after his team went in the tank.

Highlight? When Sister Mary Drinks Too Much got loaded, began weeping at the state of the Sox season and had to leave. The section actually clapped when they left.

Lowlight? When the Douche-tastic Duo came back and people scrambled and switched seats with their friends under the threat of leaving early.

5: Rough estimate of how many times over the Royals fan base grew when they went to extras with Detroit. Take a sold out Metrodome full of fans who smell blood in Detroit and we're being conservative here.

There were serious discussions about whether there were more people cheering for the Royals today when compared to cumulative totals for the season. It gave us plenty to think about.

0: Percentage chance I gave Kansas City when it came to sweeping Detroit in their home park.

Three of three on the road? With the division on the line? Worst versus first?

I'd have taken a bet that Anna Nicole would have handled her son's death with a scrap of dignity before betting on the Royals in Detroit. That's not saying much.

100: Percentage chance that Ozzie needed a beer after today's game. Thank goodness Billy Beane isn't in charge or we might have the neighborhood watch on alert for a very angry man rampaging and cursing through the streets of Minneapolis this evening.

50: Percentage chance that the above scenario is still in play as of 7 p.m.

.347: The winning batting average secured by Joe Mauer to become the first AL catcher to win the batting title.

Mauer got the biggest ovation of the afternoon, just edging out Brad Radke who was recognized before the game for his unselfish play (pitching with a fractured shoulder blade among other injuries).

The going rate for playing with a condition that may result in not being able to lift your arm above your head when you're 50?

A Waverunner... a fucking Waverunner.

Thanks for nothing, Twins...

1: Miles per hour that the "wind" was blowing in the Metrodome, according to the ESPN box score. Yeah, I'm confused, too.

45,182: Paid attendance for the day's game. Expect those claiming to have been there to top 75,000 or more tomorrow. Look for my ticket stub on eBay.

6: Runs blown by Detroit to finish second in the division. Coincidentally, this also tanked my fantasy season to the sixth-place finisher.

Life's a bitch, isn't it Tigers? When does our first support group meet?

(Image from

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