Well, that was strange

Much like my constant crowing for a passable DH in Minnesota, I rarely shut up regarding the need for the Cubs to find (or pay for) a front-line closer.

When the dust settled on Ryan Dempster's outing in Atlanta tonight, it was one inning pitched, three runs, all earned with three hits and three walks. (I'm still double checking that line because - while I'm seeing it in two places - it still looks so damn strange.)

It was a weird game and a weird loss, but it wasn't a lot of fun to see things go downhill so quickly. It really doesn't make me feel any better to see the trainer out there after the slider that got away for the go-ahead run, either.

Between the birds at the Tigers game and the Royals (yes, the Royals) blowing the doors off the Phillies 17-5, I think it's best if I go lie down now.

Everyone's a winner on Opening Day

Opening Day - It's like Christmas, only I don't have to put up with my family... I think it's pretty cool that you say "Opening Day" and it's pretty apparent what sport you're talking about. I'm not really sure what the NFL's Week One is known as, other than Week One.

Aside from that, who cares what you call basketball or hockey.It usually takes a few weeks for anyone to really notice those sports have started.

* The big question I have when I see pictures of Pete Rose at Opening Day is whether or not he has to watch his mouth around the ballpark - well, in public, really - when using the word "bet."

Like, let's say Adam Dunn comes up with two homers already and some know-it-all in the section chimes in with, "Dunn is automatic! Here comes the third homer, baby! Woo!"

Can Rose still say, "Wanna bet?" without serious repercussions?

I bet he can't... Damn, I would make a sub-par Pete Rose.

*One of the common refrains that I'm seeing in league previews is that the top two guys in most rotations are solid starters and the three through five guys are where you separate the men from the boys.

This is pretty self-evident as you look at the top-tier teams and work your way down to the Mariners and Royals of the world. Hell, just look at the cash commanded for very average pitchers in the offseason.

The capper might have been on-air speculation tonight about what Dennys Reyes would command on the open market. It was done in all seriousness.

My gut tells me that as we get into the three, four, five guys in every team's rotation, you'll be able to see which teams are in for a long season and which ones are ahead of the pack by virtue of having normal pitching depth.

* All told, from the highlights I'm seeing and the bits of games I caught live, it was a pretty predictable day around the league, with the top-shelf starters performing the way they're paid to and competition being pretty equal for Opening Day. The exception is the fluke blowout by Cleveland over the White Sox, which had more to do with the first game than talent levels.

I refuse to believe that the Sox are that bad or the Indians are that good, but I could be wrong.

* Ben Sheets got off to a hot start and as he goes, so goes Milwaukee - which should have been the case for years now, save for his injuries and under performing from year to year. A two-hitter out of the box certainly bodes well for the Brewers.

* Manny Ramirez apparently has a tough time getting things going every year according to the announced at the Royals/Red Sox game from Kansas City today. I'd never really noticed, I guess, but just add it to the list of Manny's quirks.

One player who has no such problems is Vlad Guerrero who until he just ripped a shot down the left-field line in his first at-bat had hit home runs off the first pitch he saw in 2005 and 2006.

OK, that's pretty cool.

* My new goal for this season is to try and get a more accurate read on which sleeper teams that start hot are for real and which ones will fall back to earth. Last year, I picked the Brewers and panned the Tigers after hot starts by both... yeah, that worked out well.

This year, I don't even need to pick the sleepers, I just want to be able to call it one way or another more quickly than I usually do.

By that, I mean before the second week of October.

(Photo from the Associated Press, via ChicagoTribune.com)

Week's end wrap up

I was really excited Thursday morning after a big night of moves in the hot stove league. Better yet was Steve Phillips chasing Barry Bonds around like Carl Monday, asking who he was talking to, if he was staying with the Giants and if he was jacking it.

Bonds told him his testicles were too far gone to even consider the last option. Not really, but in the television of my mind it was awesome.

The biggest, but least shocking moves were today, with Andy Pettitte going back to the Bronx and bringing rumors of a return of Roger Clemens with him. Bonds is also returning to San Francisco where he'll be hated the least.

Other big moves:

Jason Schmidt - Dodgers - Headed to the Dodgers, the biggest free agent arm (tied with Barry Zito this year) undercuts the Giants and helps Los Angeles which has a much better rotation on paper now (Derek Lowe, Brad Penny, Schmidt, Randy Wolf and any number of arms looking to take over the five spot.)

Being able to beef up your team while draining a division rival is a nice bonus, but these moves put the Dodgers as the early favorites in the NL West next year.

To his credit, Drew has defended himself a bit to the media, but given that it's Boston, this could get ugly in a big way. We'll see what happens, but this could be a train wreck right out of the gates.

Seriously, you can't trust LA, but who else is going to step up? In other words, business as usual in the NL West.

JD Drew and Julio Lugo - Red Sox - Here's what worries me. Five words in 20 years: The Curse of Johnny Damon. Expect JD Drew to get a lot of face time with Joe Buck's kid and AJ Pierzinski if this becomes a story line of my future nightmares.

Bad attitude and injury prone? Where do I sign?

To his credit, he's defended himself to a point, but it's still Boston and it's not out of the realm of possibility that this could be a train wreck out of the gates.

As much as I'm skeptical of Drew, I like the Lugo signing.

Not as much as I'd like Damon and Orlando Cabrera, but still...

(The best part of the Cabrera Era was screaming, "Welcome to the O.C., bitch!" every night.

Ted Lilly - Cubs - Please, oh please can we get at least a half-powered Bronson Arroyo factor here?

He was 15-13 with a 4.31 ERA in 32 games for the Blue Jays last season.

I can't lie, I was awake after I turned off the TV the other night asking over and again if Ted Lilly was worth $10 million per year. My gut reaction is no.

Hope it's worth hospitalizing a GM over, but this deal isn't as exciting as it should have been. Yes, Cubs front office, we get it, you're trying to win now. There's still no need to try and spend 15 years worth of surplus cash in one mediocre off-season for talent.

Mike Piazza - A's - It's about time, huh? Maybe they'll give him Frank Thomas' old locker.

Freddy Garcia - Phillies - I'm with Frankie on this one who sent me an e-mail when this signing was confirmed. In an off-season where Lilly gets $10 million per, the White Sox give away a very, very durable pitcher for peanuts?

I thought this would be a move to bring Aaron Rowland back, but was surprised when he was left out east.

Still waiting to get word back on whether or not Kenny Williams is still a genius. That said, I'm getting a Billy Beane vibe off Willaims still where no matter how ridiculous the signing or free agent drop is, you can't help but wonder what he's up to.

This is a direct turn around from the Williams we were given in Moneyball where he was emasculated and painted as too dumb to grasp the finer points of a simple multi-player swap.

More from Frankie on this subject can be found here.

Joe Borowski - Indians - This guy keeps finding work and he always seemed like a good enough guy, but I can't help but wonder how he keeps signing contracts.

He's never very good, but never very bad, either. I think this is indicative of the season Cleveland can expect next year.

Gil Meche - Royals - Good for you, Royals!

Aren't they cute everyone? Yes, they are! Yes, they are!

Cute little ballclub you got there, KC...

For more of the same, jump over to ESPN.com where Jayson Stark has a similar breakdown, but with, you know... facts and stuff.

Twins clinch AL Central: By the numbers

As far as I'm concerned, if you have a season ticket package and are asked which seats you'd like to keep and which ones you'd like to dump, sight unseen, the two locks are opening day and the season finale.

Regardless of where you are or how good you think your team will or will not be, strange things can happen at both ends of the season. Just ask the Royals.

With that in mind, we were at the Twins game this afternoon to see a game that on paper in April and May should have been the Twins serving as spoilers to a White Sox title defense run. In practice, it was Kansas City pulling three games from deep in its collective ass to knock the Tigers from the top spot and give the Twins the division title for the fourth time in five years.

Here's today, by the numbers.

2: Number of total douchebag fans there to support the White Sox and piss off the entire section. One was dressed as a nun (mom) and the other as a sorta/kinda Blues Brother (son). As Ozzie Guillen decided to sit his starters today, the son had to scream himself hoarse for Jim Thome, Brian Anderson and the peanut guy.

I'd be lying if I said anything out of his mouth was clever (which I'll give visiting fans credit for) but at least he had to good sense to shut up after his team went in the tank.

Highlight? When Sister Mary Drinks Too Much got loaded, began weeping at the state of the Sox season and had to leave. The section actually clapped when they left.

Lowlight? When the Douche-tastic Duo came back and people scrambled and switched seats with their friends under the threat of leaving early.

5: Rough estimate of how many times over the Royals fan base grew when they went to extras with Detroit. Take a sold out Metrodome full of fans who smell blood in Detroit and we're being conservative here.

There were serious discussions about whether there were more people cheering for the Royals today when compared to cumulative totals for the season. It gave us plenty to think about.

0: Percentage chance I gave Kansas City when it came to sweeping Detroit in their home park.

Three of three on the road? With the division on the line? Worst versus first?

I'd have taken a bet that Anna Nicole would have handled her son's death with a scrap of dignity before betting on the Royals in Detroit. That's not saying much.

100: Percentage chance that Ozzie needed a beer after today's game. Thank goodness Billy Beane isn't in charge or we might have the neighborhood watch on alert for a very angry man rampaging and cursing through the streets of Minneapolis this evening.

50: Percentage chance that the above scenario is still in play as of 7 p.m.

.347: The winning batting average secured by Joe Mauer to become the first AL catcher to win the batting title.

Mauer got the biggest ovation of the afternoon, just edging out Brad Radke who was recognized before the game for his unselfish play (pitching with a fractured shoulder blade among other injuries).

The going rate for playing with a condition that may result in not being able to lift your arm above your head when you're 50?

A Waverunner... a fucking Waverunner.

Thanks for nothing, Twins...

1: Miles per hour that the "wind" was blowing in the Metrodome, according to the ESPN box score. Yeah, I'm confused, too.

45,182: Paid attendance for the day's game. Expect those claiming to have been there to top 75,000 or more tomorrow. Look for my ticket stub on eBay.

6: Runs blown by Detroit to finish second in the division. Coincidentally, this also tanked my fantasy season to the sixth-place finisher.

Life's a bitch, isn't it Tigers? When does our first support group meet?

(Image from minnesota.twins.mlb)