I'm pretty sure this is illegal

Children working deep underground in damp, dangerous mines.

Sweatshops populated by an underage workforce which is forced to keep up with unreasonable job quotas and no bathroom breaks.

An afternoon for your kids, spent under the watchful eye of either Lou Piniella or Ozzie Guillen. Won't someone please think of the children?

I think the key here is that the two managers won't be playing each other with their team of tykes, so the possibility of a profane eruption of rage and chewing tobacco in the presence of children is diminished, but I'm still pretty sure there are better babysitters in Chicago.

Given Ozzie's penchant for profanity-laced tirades which would make Lee Elia blush and Sweet Lou having enough footage of frustrated blowups to warrant an intermission if you ran them all back to back, I'm looking forward to children throughout the Chicagoland area cursing out their parents like tiny Tony Montana impersonators after a day with Uncle Ozzie.

Not that an afternoon with Lou would be much better. I can easily see them with tiny, red faces - kicking dirt at their teachers on the playground when they're told recess is over.

"That's just a bullshit call to call it this early, Teach! A real bullshit call."

(Image from: supernannyrules.com)